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Stop the
Silda Bashing
AM I the only one furious at the
commentators, pundits and so-called "friends" of Silda Spitzer? The
ones who've been condemning her for standing at her husband's side
for what were two of the most traumatic moments in the life of their
family - his Monday apology and yesterday's resignation.
Yes, Eliot Spitzer's actions have been
sickening and vile. It's a history of hidden money and high-priced
hookers - some wary of his "unsafe" proclivities - the last escapade
the evening before and morning of Valentine's Day, a few hours
before he publicly embraced his beautiful wife and lovely daughters.
Still, none of us can know how we'd act in Silda Spitzer's shoes.
Think Hillary Clinton, who in her headband days swore she wasn't a
gal to stand by her man.
What we do know is that someone who does
business in a ruthless way, which Spitzer did to Wall Street and as
governor, won't be a trustworthy spouse. And that those who present
themselves as squeaky clean usually have dirty secrets.
A wife raised to be loyal, to sacrifice for
others, may be so committed to succeed in marriage that clues either
will not be seen or will be disregarded. In such marriages, it's
easy to distract oneself with abundant responsibilities and the
perks of privilege.
Silda Spitzer has described her North
Carolina Baptist home as one with precisely this quality of loyalty
and sacrifice. Dad was a hospital administrator, mom a homemaker.
Before Harvard Law, Silda was an honors graduate of Meredith, a
women's Baptist college. According to a profile in the New York
Times, her father decided that the name that suited his daughter
was an adaptation of the German Serilda, which Silda says means
"Teutonic war goddess." She has been described as strong and
directed, and her path upward in life was predictable.
The current humiliation, however, isn't her
first. In 1982, her first marriage to a fellow Harvard student ended
after only 29 days.
Two years later, on a skiing trip, Silda met
the privileged and driven Eliot. They were both staying at a Vermont
house rented by a group of friends. He skied. She didn't. He taught
her.
The relentless New York Jew whose
real-estate-mogul father bankrolled his career in politics and the
southern beauty appeared to have the strongest of marriages. As
Spitzer threw himself into politics, Silda gave up her law practice,
devoting herself to family and philanthropy.
EVEN SPITZER'S table manners, likened to a
public execution, improved. Silda's charm and even nature appeared
to ease her husband's rough edges and stubborn personality. But not
entirely, as their shocked friends and community, and far beyond,
now know. At both press conferences, Silda seemed dazed, in
disbelief, her eyes brimming with tears.
It was poignant to see her wearing the same
double strand of pearls she wore on the day of her husband's
inauguration as governor, where she was wide-eyed and dazzling in
bright red.
Yet even in a moment of disgrace on Monday,
for one very brief second, Silda looked at her husband with warmth
and compassion. A woman raised to marry up, but never overtly
ambitious in her own right, Silda Wall Spitzer needs the pundits,
experts, and "friends" to zip their lips. To be left alone to take
the time to make up her own mind about the personal direction she
will take.
And how she can best care for and protect
her daughters. This decision is absolutely no one's business but her
own.
.........................
SaraKay Smullens, social worker and family
therapist, (sarakaysmullens.com) writes about social and political
issues. |
