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Uncivil War
I am a wife, mother and grandmother, and
I've never seen an uglier time. It is a time when people act as if
they have the permission to be as nasty and vindictive as they wish.
On many days I feel like I am locked in a
prison ruled by crazy human beings who look like adults but act like
they are in the hormonal throes of an imbalanced adolescent
upheaval.
As a family therapist for more than 20
years, I've tried to understand the reasons that human behavior can
go so very wrong. Here's what I've learned:
Just as individuals go through a complicated
growing-up process to reach maturity and autonomy, so must
countries. The U.S. is locked in a crazy developmental phase not
unlike adolescence. It is marked by the Vietnam era, and though the
deep divisions of this period have festered malignantly, they have
never been properly addressed.
The Clinton impeachment and this election
reveal a toxic divide in America that has been intensified by other
fierce divisions involving reproductive choices, the environment,
energy needs and the appropriate use of aggression and diplomacy.
A dangerously divided home or community - or
country - led by those who insist on "my way or the highway" will
eventually be destroyed. Survival can only be ensured by compromise.
Members of successful social unions also know that opposing
positions can each be right in its own way and that reasoned
discussion can help to know when it is wise to step back, regardless
of how deeply held a personal view may be.
Just as parents set a climate for productive
family discussion to help resolve even the most painful and
agonizing issues, so the leaders of a country either allow this
process that promotes growth and survival, or kill it through
division, humiliation and intimidation.
As we face this upcoming election we must
carefully decide who can best help America find the determination,
as well as the strength and wisdom, to address the lingering and
lethal differences that divide us. Our survival depends on it. |
