A message of healing

To the editor:

It was on a Halloween day, years ago, prior to an evening date to take our two little girls trick-or-treating, that I learned my marriage had ended. I ordered pizza for dinner and explained that Daddy was working. Somehow, some way, I managed not to disappoint my daughters and was able to experience a few fleeting moments of joy with them. Once home — after eating lots of candy - bath time was skipped, and bedtime awaited. After my daughters were asleep, I went to my bathroom, ran the sink and tub faucets, and allowed the tears to fall. Sobs grew into terrified screams, unlike anything I had ever heard. I could not believe they were coming from me, because they did not seem human. They sounded, instead, as if they came from a wounded animal. This trauma marked a necessary milestone in my growing up — taking responsibility for my life, my happiness, my fulfillment. Badly needing money, I developed my private practice as a clinical social worker, I began writing a column for this newspaper, and I turned those pieces into a first book. Through this work, I joined with others to lobby hard for much-needed divorce reforms in Pennsylvania — at the time, we were the only state bound by three brutal legal inequities: no “no fault” divorce, no equitable division of marital property, and no provisions for alimony. Our reform was accomplished; I was told parts of my columns were read on the floor of the General Assembly before the votes changing the laws were cast. Two years later, I met the wonderful, generous man I have now been married to for 45 years, and my small family of three grew into a boisterous one of six. I share these years in my life as we face a brutally difficult time in our country, when countless people are facing trauma and searching for a way forward. I’ve learned — and my work has validated - that fear can be willed into vital strength and direction. That begins with recognizing the value of, and power within, yourself.

SaraKay Smullens
Philadelphia

Published in The Philadelphia Inquirer, October 31, 2025