Film Review: A Real Pain Exposes Isolation and Trauma Through a Two-for-the-Road Dramedy

Read the full review on socialworker.com

by SaraKay Smullens, MSW, LCSW, DCSW, CGP, CFLE, BCD

     A Real Pain is essential film for those in the social work and related professions to experience and to recommend, brilliantly written and directed by Jesse Eisenberg, and starring Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin. With uncommon insight, A Real Pain gently addresses myriad examples of intergenerational trauma that run the gamut from a lack of self-respect to self-loathing, leading to an inability to connect with others and the devastation of failed relationships. It offers the opportunity to address questions we as social workers are asked again and again: Why am I hated? Why do “they” want to kill us?

     Social workers know that burying our pain, pushing it toward oblivion, is a major cause of failure in all aspects of life. A Real Pain reveals the cost of personal isolation and the importance of connection. We learn that even if the intensity of connection between two who love and trust may seem frightening and overwhelming, refusing to walk away leads to mutual compassion and broader insights and vision that uplift in remarkable ways. The film also affirms that, with unshakable hope, we can endure what is necessary, leading to inner strength.  

     Through these messages, A Real Pain begs the question: Why are we so afraid to face difficult emotions? For once we do, we can decide if, when, and how to share with others. When we decide to wisely share, the experience itself is the highlight. This process of deep, respectful listening, coupled with doing all possible to rid ourselves of bias, can lead to closeness and calm, allowing the give and take of problem solving. Compromise then becomes an act of love, not submission.

     Billed as a two-for-the-road dramedy, your laughter will draw you closer to serious examination of the inner worlds and outer manifestations of two cousins, raised more as brothers, who have lost touch with each other. Benji Kaplan (Culkin), is devoid of any semblance of boundary between his Self and events in the real world. His breathtaking, passionate, emotionally crippling insights have put his direction at a standstill. David Kaplan (Eisenberg) is a devoted husband and father who cannot access emotion. He is tied to a NYC tech job that offers little satisfaction and suffers from an anxiety disorder and OCD.