I have just completed a brilliant article, “What Makes A Woman?” written by journalist, former professor of women’s studies, and documentary filmmaker, Elinor Burkett (The New York Times, Sunday Review, June 7th). Her words, which described strong differences between feminists and transgender activists, helped me clarify why, though I wish Caitlyn Jenner every happiness, something about her words and the coverage of her life altering transition, has left me uncomfortable. As everyone knows Caitlyn’s emergence is one brimming over with sexual appeal. She has said again and again that from childhood on she wanted to wear women’s clothing. But, as Elinor Burkett has clearly pointed out, Caitlyn has not gone through life as a woman: it is the combination of our inner world, the opportunities and challenges life has offered us, and how we have met these that makes a woman. It is not surgery, or extraordinary lighting and sensual clothing. Further, and these are my thoughts, Caitlyn, even before her transition, has ever lived in the public eye, and will continue to. Exhibitionism is the trademark of her Kardashian family, and she will soon be off to her own reality show. No doubt, this show will attract millions of viewers and make her even wealthier. However, a life of relentless exhibitionism makes one an actor — a performer — not a true human being. Although her financial perks will continue to be extraordinary and public adoration from those who do not know will continue, this way of living does not offer a real life and the chance to grow emotionally and truly come to terms with adulthood.

Through the ages women have fought hard for academic and opportunities. We have worked so hard and fought so many battles that often we no longer even remember them, unless they are called to our attention. Even our own daughters will never completely understand the intensity of our fight for opportunity, where we are seen as true professionals and not office sex objects, there to spice things up, stimulate male thinking power, bring them coffee and order flowers for their wives, mistresses, girlfriends. The world of opportunity of our young adult daughters is so vastly different than ours was that they can never know all we gave and sacrificed to bring this change. There were so many struggles, dangers, indignities — addressed brilliantly in the article. We even had to fight to have our husbands with us in the delivery room when our children were born. We had to fight to reform divorce laws and to educate clergy that prayer alone will not end domestic violence. And this struggle continues: Hillary Clinton and other women in political office know that others will be upset and angry if they talk too much about all they have accomplished. Yes, even today If women express opinions that threaten men in our professional worlds, the fall out can be horrific. Also, sexual abuse on an emotional level remains a huge problem for those who must earn a living, not to mention in relationships many feel they cannot leave.

On a couple of occasions I have had my photo taken for magazines, both locally and nationally. I cannot begin to tell you the hours spent on correct lighting, makeup and clothing. For me this experience was a total waste of time, and I can assure you that without this talent you look very different. When my photo for my next book was taken, I chose a wonderful photo-journalist Sharon Wohlmuth. Sharon sees her clients in her home or theirs, and uses only natural light, which she calls G-d’s light. The whole experience took 20 minutes, and we talked and shared honestly the whole time. It was enriching.

Caitlyn Jenner has been a man who longs to be a woman. Her struggle is noteworthy, and yes, I think she is very brave. But for her to really understand what makes a woman, she will need to leave her stage and join the real world to see how it really is to live and struggle as a woman. The best makeup, the most sensual clothing, and even Annie Leibowitz will not be able to do this for her.

This morning I saw Blythe Danner interviewed on Morning Joe about her new film, “I’ll See You In My Dreams,” also featuring Sam Elliott, Rhea Perlman, Mary Kay Place, June Squibb and Martin Starr., and directed by a young and insightful Brett Haley.  The film is about a woman in her 70s (Danner is 72) who has lived and suffered loss —  and is real and fun as well as deep, down to earth and independent. Primarily a stage actor, Danner’s  beauty and graciousness were shining throughout this interview. The film seems like a must see for all ages, and I will. From this interview and reviews,  those who are young will see that growing older should be an adventure; those Danner’s age and older will be inspired; those in-between will smile, understanding the magic potential in endurance. = Like her character, Carol, who has been widowed for 20 years, Danner, who was married to director Bruce Paltrow, has been widowed for 12. Of course you know who her daughter is, a daughter who seems very different than her mom and would be wise to learn some life-lessons from her!  

I am in DC as my youngest daughter hurt her back badly and cannot lift her 11 month old or get to work.   My youngest grandbaby is a love, and it is wonderful to care for her and forget about everything else for a while.  That said, even after over 35 years, I really do not like being away from my husband.  Perhaps we take none of our good fortune for granted because ours is a second marriage, and we well know that hard work is not enough to bring one love and respect.       

Surprised at how deeply I am affected by the deaths of John and Alicia Nash and Anne Meara.  How very, very sad.  Their two sons must be in shock and suffering an enormous loss. Until reading the obit I had no idea that Dr. Nash had a son from a former relationship of.  Each son is named after him. There is a very important lesson here. The Nash’s were retuning from a conference abroad, where Dr. Nash was honored.  I am sure they were exhausted after a long flight home.  One can feel lulled into safety when returning home in a taxi.  But we must all remember seat belts, even when they feel like a nuisance or intrusion.

I remember as a child seeing the comedy duo, Anne Meara and her husband, Jerry Stiller, perform on the Ed Sullivan show.  Most do not know that Ms. Meara coverted to Judaism.  In their early years they portrayed what was so unlikely at the time, a lovely Catholic young woman falling in love with and marrying a Jewish man, who had an appealing personality, but was short and surely not handsome.   I remember one segment that stayed with me:  Jerry Stiller played a salesman in a shoe store, and Anne Meara was a very nervous, self conscious shopper.  She was ashamed to show him that one of her feet was extraordinarily large, much larger than the other.  And then the salesman showed her that he, also, had the same foot challenge.  And there they were, two who felt like outcasts, determined to live a beautiful life together.

I am thrilled to have written an upcoming book on burnout and self-care that will be available this summer. This is a subject I care deeply about, as burnout can impact severely on all of us, whatever our work, inside or outside of our home.

And I am thrilled to be beginning a new website where for the first time I will be offering thoughts, not blogs or articles……just thoughts.

I want to start by telling you that although I am excited about an upcoming webinar on the subject of my book, which is taking place soon, on June 2nd, this is  my first webinar.  I will be talking to a blank screen (my computer) for 90 minutes.  I am not nervous about speaking to people, or teaching, but I will not be able to see those who signed up for the webinar. I was going to tape photos on my screen, but then I will not see my slides.  So I plan to put photos around me, and this way it will feel like I really am talking to people…..

Finally saw the compelling story of justice in the film “Woman in Gold.”  Although the film itself had gaps, the acting was wonderful, and the story beautiful, timeless, important.  So important!  And then there was “Ex-Machina.” Spoiler Alert:  I wish that the blurb I read had not compared the film to “Gone Girl.”  That was too much of a hint about Ava’s character.  For it was entirely like the man who created her, a true killer.  Even though Ava was not to be trusted, the special effects were marvelous, and the tale is one that gives great pause about the future.